you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
whose ass print is on the piano?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
