with your own penis?
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
