i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
