Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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