so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
