He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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