Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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