it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
