Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
