It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
