True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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