Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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