Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
