I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Randomize
