After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
