You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
