Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
