I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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