seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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