I just made out with a guy for $7.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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