sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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