Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
