yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
