If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
