no, he came in my armpit
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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