he wants to bone in the snuggie
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
