Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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