No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
