One girl and one boy is just not enough.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
