A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
