and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
