Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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