Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
