this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
