Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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