Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
