oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
