I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
