you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
