If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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