My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Found your dick twin last night
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
