hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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