Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
