u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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