Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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