dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
