Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
