I hope mine doesn't look like that
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
