i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
