Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
