It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
